Our big news!

It's official!  I can share my good news!  We are committed to adopting the sweetest little girl from an Eastern European country (sorry, I can't share where!).  She has a few special needs (like epilepsy and some developmental delays), but we know that God is able to bring healing and hope into her life -- and I know she's going to bring even greater blessings into our life than what we could ever do for her.

Please pray as we finalize all the paperwork needed and try to raise some money!

I've got some exciting news coming soon!  But until I can share any details, let me just say that God can still work miracles . . . and He's doing one in our home!

So, wow -- it's been a while since I posted 10 things I'm thankful for -- at this rate, I'll be thankful that I'm in Heaven on my 1,000.

1.  Gardens that overflow with tomatoes (I am, however, not as thankful for gardens that overflow with cabbage.)
2.  A fluffy cat with a raccoon tail that patiently chases away the fear in a little girl's dark room every night.
3.  A place to type my thoughts, whether anyone reads them or not.
4.  Quietness
5.  Dishwashers
6.  Song birds
7.  The taste of summer in an ear of corn
8.  A friend in the bitter cold north whom I have never met -- but whom I know and love like a sister
9.  Summer break from school
10.  A surprise visit from 5 owls in our dogwood tree -- 2 days in a row!

(This was actually written quite a while ago . . . but I liked it!)

It's been a while, I know. For my 10 followers, oops, make that 9 since Michelle decided she'd double up on her support -- I apologize. The truth is that I have nothing to say. I'm struggling -- with words, with me. Do you ever wish that you could just get your act together? Like you could really be who you think people think you are? Maybe I really am that person -- the one who seems like her world is put together, her house is clean (for the most part), her kids are eating good meals, her Bible is opened regularly, her husband is happy, and her life is fulfilled. The one who always has a smile for you. Maybe I am. But not today. Today I'm 10 pounds overweight, my hair is gray, my body is stiff from walking about a mile!, and my eyes are bloodshot. Today I'm the other me. Today, I'm the me that needs a good cry, a good movie, and a good hot bath. I need these blasted hormones to get back to normal. I think I'll go do that now.

Safely Buried

A friend gently reminded me today that I haven't written on here in a while. Just another on my long list of things to be disappointed in myself about. And trust me, it's a loooong list. Frustrated mother. Frazzled wife. Failing body. But really, nothing is worse than my complete and utter lack of spiritual discipline. I had the privilege of having 18 years (yes, 18) of formal, Christ-centered education. Not to mention the countless Bible studies I've sat through in my lifetime. If anybody should be further along on this journey, it's me.

And yet, I've come to a place on the path that is more difficult than any I've traveled before. It's a brutal, seemingly unending climb up where the path is rocky and covered in thorn bushes. It's called . . . wait for it . . . parenthood. And then, on top of that -- I've hit those middle aged years. No matter how hard I try, I will not ever look like I did 20 years ago. As it turns out, I will not be the only human alive that never ages. Then, to add to that even, is this disease called fibromyalgia. So misunderstood by so many. (No, it's not a catch-all diagnosis for anybody with muscle aches.) It can be brutal and debilitating at times. It can make me sad.

My dad shared with me about a co-worker who experienced something similar (although his was a mental illness) that came out of nowhere and shattered his world. For several years, this man struggled to find a correct diagnosis and treatment. But when it was over, and he was able to look back on the lessons of it all -- he said something profound. He compared his illness with Christ's death -- and his new and restored health with the resurrection we experience in Christ. But when asked where he was in those in between years, he thoughtfully answered -- "safely buried."

I feel safely buried right now. Sometimes, a sadness will rise up -- I don't even have words for a prayer. But I have a Savior. I know He's there. I know He loves me. Today, in the shower, I asked myself -- How do you know He's there? How do you know that He's not so disappointed in you that He didn't just leave? And, for the first time in a long time, the answer was so simple -- and I believed it (again). He died for me. (I mean, really, would He die if He didn't care?) Me. The mother who can't seem to keep her patience with one particular 7 year old. The wife who forgets to put on a smile -- let alone makeup -- for her husband when he comes home. The child who forgets to take it all to her Abba Father. Me.

My Own Promised Land

I've been thinking lately of those Israelites. The ones that came to a screeching halt just their side of the Jordan River then sat down and pouted. They pleaded to know what was ahead. It wasn't enough to see all that was behind. Brushing the doorposts with lamb's blood. Walking straight through a sea. Witnessing the utter annihilation of their enemy. Chasing a pillar of fire through the desert. It wasn't enough. How could that not be enough? So Moses gives in and sends out twelve men, one from each tribe. They spy out their inheritance. Forty days to get a good look. They come back amazed, lugging one single cluster of grapes that requires two poles to carry. They talk about how incredible their birthright is. It's a land flowing with milk and honey. But then again, there are ten of them -- the majority! -- that don't think their God is big enough. He can part the Red Sea but He can't handle those giants. The Creator of the universe that just showed His power and unfathomable love for these people is incapable. How could they be so, well, chicken!

But then I have to look closer. Close enough to see me. So they wanted to go back to Egypt? If I think about it, I can at least see that, perhaps, this thinking wasn't as absurd as it might first appear to be. After all, they had paraded out of there with the heartbroken Egyptians (who had all just lost their firstborn sons) thrusting gold at them as they left. Then, they had watched the commanding forces of their enslavement being wiped out in a single tsunami -- in the Red Sea, no less. Maybe they thought if they went back, things would be different, things would be better for them. Maybe they even thought they could go back and rule things there.

So why have I been thinking about all of this? I guess because I wonder if I'm staring at my own family's inheritance. An inheritance of sorts in a different kind of foreign land. I wonder if I've reared up on my heels and begun to question if my God is big enough to conquer all the giants that might threaten. All the fears I have. All the possible problems ahead. I wonder if His plan is really better than where I'm at now. Like the Israelites, I've seen all He's done before -- but I wonder if He can really be all that I would need for Him to be in this new inheritance. All that my husband would need for Him to be. But, of course, for the Israelites, it was never about God's inability to be the Great Lover of their souls, the Great Provider of their needs. It was just that they couldn't see everything that was ahead. They saw only the giants. And they thought, for some reason, they would be on their own now.

I don't want to see only giants. I want to believe that there is milk and honey for me and my family. I believe that my Promised Land is waiting, and I believe that we are not on our own.

Next 10 things

Ten more things I'm grateful for --

1. The taste of fall wrapped up in an apple.
2. A community of believers on Griffin Rd. that I call family.
3. That my kids are healthy enough to throw fits -- even if I wish they wouldn't!
4. A cozy living room with a wood-burning stove. Makes me think I'm actually in the mtns.
5. Pink countertops. Would I change them in a heartbeat, given the opportunity? Absolutely. BUT millions of women today will wonder how they are going to feed their children -- and I have absolutely no worries about that. So, if I have to feed my kids off of pink countertops -- I'm gonna choose to be thankful for them!
6. My new HD Camcorder to record a lot of years of life still ahead for my kids.
7. My laptop -- it makes life so much easier!!!
8. The ministry God has given me to work with children.
9. A dog that won't stop barking at the squirrel up in the tree. (OK, I'm choosing to be grateful right now!)
10. Dark chocolate M&Ms.